Confidence is a spectrum.
On one end, you have “doubting my whole life because of the disapproving look of a random guy on the street.”
On the other—and this is the end you want to be on—is “steadfast on my path even with the ground shaking beneath me.”
That’s the true definition of being unshakeable. It’s the epitome of confidence.
Being unshakeable means your closest friends can tell you you’re not going to make it, and you don’t second-guess yourself.
Being unshakeable means going from failure to failure to failure without losing belief in your direction.
Being unshakeable means sitting at rock bottom and still looking at the peak of the mountain and saying with certainty, “I’ll be there soon.”
With confidence like that, nothing is impossible.
It’s as Cicero said, “With confidence, you have won even before you have started.”
Don’t worry if you fall on the wrong end of the confidence spectrum.
Confidence is a trait that you can develop.
Let me show you how.
How To Develop Unshakeable Confidence
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ―Henry Stanley Haskins
1. Know Thyself
If I were to call you Margarita, would you start to think that’s your real name?
Would you start doubting who you are?
Absolutely not! (Or at least I hope not…)
You are certain your name is not Margarita.
I can call you that, but you know who you are, and it’s not Margarita.
Why is it different when some tells you that you’re incapable?
Why do you believe people who say you aren’t smart enough, talented enough, deserving enough, or good-looking enough?
It’s simple.
You don’t know yourself well enough. You haven’t determined who you really are.
So, when other people say things, you think they know better than you do.
You give their words and opinions more value than your own.
They could be wrong, but since you’ve never given it any thought, you don’t know that.
Take Back the Power
If you know who you are, no person or event can tell you otherwise.
So make it clear: who are you?
Don’t sell yourself short.
You are the collections of experiences that have got you to where you are today.
A lot of those experiences may suck.
You made mistakes. You have some regrets. You aren’t perfect.
Yet, you’ve got through every obstacle the best way you could.
What are you, then?
Are you a survivor? An achiever? A life-changer? A supporter? An evil mastermind?
Who are you really?
Get a piece of paper and write down all the great qualities you have and all the challenges you’ve overcome. Tell yourself why you are an amazing person.
Write down your flaws, too. If you know where you fall short, no one will be able to use that against you.
(If you need some help, check out my 5-module course that walks you through the process of discovering yourself and refining your self-image to propel you forward.)
Paint yourself in the best light possible. Sell yourself to yourself.
Be honest, though. You’re making it clear who you are, not who you want to be. Don’t get all full of yourself. But realize that you are much more than you give yourself credit for.
Knowing who you are and where you can improve is the beginning of confidence.
Your knowledge of yourself is what will keep you standing tall when people try to break you down.
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” –Marie Curie
2. Realize You’re Human
The Power Puff Girls were made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
You are not a Power Puff Girl.
You are made of muscle and bones with a whole lot of imperfections sprinkled in.
Maybe your smile is lop-sided and your laugh sounds strange and you always say the wrong thing.
You’re not perfect and never will be. It’s part of being human.
You will make mistakes—some of them incredibly stupid.
You will embarrass yourself by doing the wrong things or coming up with the worst possible combination of words to ever come out of someone’s mouth.
It happens. To everyone.
What differentiates one person from the next is how they react to those imperfections/embarrassments/etc.
A confident person will own their imperfections.
If they make a mistake, they’ll apologize and move on.
If they trip in public, they’ll brush themselves off, have a laugh and go on with their day.
An unconfident person reminisces over every little thing.
They cringe over their choice of words. They replay an interaction over and over in their mind, uncovering a different blunder each time. Their words, their hand gesture, their facial expression…
All the while, the other party has long forgotten their exchange.
A part of confidence is accepting your imperfections. You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to do the right thing every time. Part of confidence is accepting that. It’s not as big of a deal as you think it is.
A few mistakes shouldn’t make you any less sure of yourself.
3. Believe in Your Direction
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent Van Gogh
What happens when people can’t crush your self-confidence?
They’ll try again, this time targeting your direction instead.
Your direction is the way you’re headed in life. It’s made of your goals, aspirations, and dreams.
Your direction is strongly linked to who you are.
A computer science major isn’t just a student. They are a computer scientist.
Telling them they aren’t cut out for computer science injects self-doubt into their souls.
It’s even worse if you hear these comments right after a setback.
Truly unshakable confidence comes from not only knowing yourself, but believing in the direction you’re headed as well.
I have received countless emails from people struggling with just this.
Their families tell them they are sabotaging their lives. They want to pursue their passion, but everyone tells them that they’re setting themselves up for failure.
They are eaten away by self-doubt.
Believe in the direction you’re headed means being certain you will reach your aspired destination no matter what.
If one path doesn’t yield the results you want, you try another.
If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan, not the goal. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I have been trying for years to create a sustainable online income. I wrote a fiction novel and lost more than I made. I started a pet care website. It got tons of visitors, but never made more than a couple hundred. Then I made this website.
I’m not where I want to be, but I’m sure as hell I’ve got what it takes to get there.
4. Play the Role
It’s time to take fake it ‘til you make it to a new level.
Of course, you should keep your head high and your shoulders back. Portray confidence even if you don’t feel it.
A quick trick you can use if you really want to feel the confidence is to pretend you’re someone else.
Pretend you are the CEO of a booming company or a brilliant professor and act the way they would.
Sometimes it’s easier to act confident if you aren’t you.
This is a temporary solution for situations you need to be confident in, but its effects are long-lasting.
Once you figure out how to feel and embody confidence in one scenario, the confidence carries over to other scenarios, as well.
Confidence is an essential trait to have.
It spares you the mind-wrenching task of replaying each interaction. It saves you from hesitation and motivates you to chase the peak you know is yours.
